The beauty of not expecting something in return
Yesterday I had a thought-provoking chat with an acquaintance. He thinks that when we connect with someone is because they are a means to achieve goals - for example a business partnership. He was, in fact, trying to do that with me, and I felt really disappointed. I was invited to a casual lunch, then spent a nice afternoon with them having coffee and some drinks, until at some point he realize that I was too naive to get the game that he was trying to play.
I feel very uncomfortable with this attitude and the more time I spend in Germany, the more I realize that this is a cultural thing from Spain. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed this pattern: people playing the game of being your friend, but in reality treating you as a tool. It’s ok if you play the same game, but not so cool if you are out of the game.
After that chat, I couldn’t avoid reflecting on myself, and whether I behave the same way. I think in my case I’m more driven by the beauty of building connections with people. I think that’s the reason I’m so engaged devoting my free time to Tuist. Some people would perceive it as a waste of time, but I see it as a fulfilling thing because I get to know and talk with people that otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to. In fact, the other day I met Marek, also core contributor of Tuist, and had breakfast together in Berlin. For me, that has more value than money, success, likes, follows, stars, and any other kind of interest that people might have these days.
This is something that I learned from my parents and that I’ll never forget. Happiness is not about success and money, is about being healthy, and being friend of your friends.
What I’m learning to do though is how to distance myself from those people that either treat me or other people as means. I’ve been there. I’ve suffered a lot from it, and it’s consumed a lot of my energy. It’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeking success and feed your narcissistic desires.
And my random thought about people ends here while I’m somewhere in the countryside of a small town in the south of Spain called Murcia.